Sex and Money

The second chakra is traditionally associated with your sexual force and your creative energy. Even Napoleon Hill’s famous book ‘Think and Grow Rich’ briefly discussed the fact that the sex drive was one outlet of our basic creative drive. He suggested transmuting the sexual urge at times into creative work projects, and using that creative force to get the projects completed. In a way, sex and money are the same thing. They are flip sides of the same coin. If you have any ‘hang-ups’ about making money, try this some time: Pretend money is like a beautiful red poppy. This poppy is special though –it is vanilla-scented. Imagine you are in a field of vanilla-scented red poppies. Go pick a poppy of your choosing….Stay with the flower and take it in.  Rest in this image for a while.


(stay tuned –to be continued in future posts)

Sexy Meditation

Meditation is simple really. It’s a good skill to learn but people tend to think you have to practice for years. If you boil it down, it simply involves reaching a state of focused awareness. You can practice focusing your awareness on an object, such as gazing at a candle flicker, or you can focus your awareness on a sound, by repeating a sound or word, ‘om’ or ‘peace’ are examples. Even simpler, you can focus on the movement of your breath. Just mentally count to six as you breathe in, and mentally count to six as you exhale. (If six feels too long for you, start with four.) Feel your breath inhabit your body. Have a regular time you practice this every day, say 5 minutes and build from there, first thing in the morning is good or right before going to bed. The more you meditate and learn to focus your awareness on your breath as it travels through your body, the more you can use this skill to enhance your lovemaking and pleasure. Breath awareness builds chi energy in the area you focus on. As you learn to consciously manipulate the chi moving through your body, you can also learn to more sexual energy through your body. Sexual energy is just one form of life force energy. It doesn’t have to be felt only in the genitals. It is amazingly pleasurable when you move the sexual energy into your chest and ‘pulse’ it back and forth between your chest and your lover’s chest. In order to feel this energy more strongly, it helps to learn how to build your sexual energy up, so that you can have some in the genitals and some in the chest.  (Please note though, this is a very bonding technique.  This means that you will produce a strong energy cord of love between you and your partner.  Do not do this exercise if you are just trying to 'pick-someone-up' for a short-term thing.) To learn this in more detail, I’ll post some links to more resources and also, I’ll be hosting tele-workshops to teach these techniques, stay-tuned.

Casual Sex?

I’ve been interviewed by Cosmo magazine several times and some common themes come up. One theme involves how men and women communicate about relationships and sex. Women tend to ask, ‘when will he call me?’, which points to an underlying question of how important the relationship is to either party. This issue can lead to the whole casual sex versus committed sex issue. I’ve gone back and forth on this issue of casual sex or ‘friendship sex’ and my feeling is this, Sex is sacred. I don’t have anything against having sex for fun and I know people who have sex as kind of a sport. But, I think in our rush as a society to say we are ‘liberated’, we make everything ordinary, not-important, not sacred. It stems from a backlash to puritanical beliefs. Over the eons, groups tended to use religion and associated beliefs about sex as a control mechanism. Many religious groups instilled a fear of sex and the body desires into their followers. If people are told sex is dangerous/bad/sinful and can only be for procreation or under restricted circumstances, what happens? People tend to repress their sex drive and all that repressed juicy energy can be used to others’ advantage as a control mechanism. That repressed energy can be diverted into utilitarian procreation, as was needed when we were agrarian and needed more workers for the farm or factory. Or, more recently, that repressed energy can be funneled into buying endless cars, homes, stuff to fill the emptiness or quell the anxiety temporarily. So, the pendulum swung from puritan to ‘oh sex- that’s no big deal’. Let’s find something more balanced. We have so many ordinary, no-big-deal things in life, I think we yearn for something special, something sacred. That doesn’t have to mean ‘I’ll save myself til Prince Charming comes’. It does mean that you need to decide in your own unique way, how you’ll define the specialness of sexual union. And I’ll address the ‘Cosmo issue’ of ‘will he call me?’ and ‘what should I do?’




 If you have sex with someone, that is a sacred union. It deserves the honor of a call, especially at the beginning. I’ll speak more about this in future issues. I also think a lover is different from a friend. We just haven’t developed good descriptive terms as a society to address the specialness of sexual union. What is needed more and more, is for men and women to open up the lines of communication and honor the specialness of the masculine and feminine polarity. We'll also talk more about this in our 'healing interactive tele-calls'.

Sexy Aging, AKA Advice to use before it’s too late

Passion helps you look younger. I’ve talked to many older women about this. Their consensus is this: Women who have something they are passionate about look younger and tend to stay fit. Research has shown this as well. Having something that stirs passion in you, whether it’s a partner or a favorite cause, causes your endorphins to flow. You feel happier and want to take better care of your body. Passion also reves up your chi and you feel more energized. The women I interviewed had some great advice to pass onto us younger gals, so that we can have a passionate sex life into our 70s and beyond.


• If you are with a long term partner, avoid getting into a pattern of stagnation. You can do this by setting aside some sacred time together, preferable one day a week. If this seems too much, start with half a day. A key point here is that sexuality needs a place to express itself that is special, outside of the mundane, a place that is sacred. The definition of sacred is ‘worthy of respect or dedication’. Sacred is the opposite of mundane. The definition of mundane is ‘found in the ordinary course of events’. If sex goes into the sphere of the mundane, it becomes ordinary. Ordinary is bland. Sacred sexuality is just that, an act worthy of respect and dedication. It deserves time set aside with no cell phones, and no outside distractions. This helps keep sex sexy.


• Sleep nude often. Lose the ugly pajamas.


• Be fascinated with the male anatomy. Worship it as the sacred lingam.


• Take naps together and snuggle.


• Shower together. Water is sexy. Treat the shower as a sexy sacred ceremony. Wash each other’s hair. Bathe each other.


• Just as you take special time with your partner, also spend time apart. See other friends and develop outside interests. This keeps you from ‘merging’ into a fused oneness that has no polarity. Remember, polarity is sexy. It’s what keeps your batteries charges. Enjoy each other’s differences.


• Give and receive a massage- it’s sexy and it helps reduce any achiness.


• Use sex toys - this is especially important if your partner had erectile dysfunction or prostate issues. I’ll be reviewing various sex toys in upcoming issues.


• Plan time to unwind and have fun. One of my interviewees, Pat, 71, said it’s vital to have ‘silly’ time to just laugh and have fun. She and her boyfriend play airhockey with the drink coasters when they go out to dinner.


• Tend a passion for something that makes you excited to wake up in the morning. What do you look forward to? What small thing do you do for the world that makes the world a better place? It can be volunteering for a worthy cause or choosing to consciously send love to a few people by smiling at them as you walk by.


• Some people are starting a new trend of ‘Single during the week, and married during the weekend’. I’ll talk more about what this means in a future issue.

Sexy Moms

I know there are the occasional jokes about MILFs, but I noticed on a subconscious level, women tend to give up their sexuality when they have kids. They don’t do it consciously, and if you ask them about it, they’d give you the ‘logical’ answer that ‘of course I’m still a sexual being’. I don’t think they buy it on a subconscious level. A lot of women go through a period of post-partum blues or angsty-anxiety. I believe this arises partly from the collective unconscious, where we tap into archetypes of what we’re allowed to be. Once you’re a mom, the range of ‘approved’ archetypes is restricted. Women feel that on a primal, body level. It shows in how they carry themselves, in that angst many moms feels before they find a safe place to be a mother. How to transcend that? It really starts with getting in touch with your body. Allowing yourself, as a mom to feel pleasure, and no, don’t always wait til everyone else is taken care of and you have two measly minutes before you fall into bed exhausted. Let yourself be selfish sometimes. A bit of selfishness is good, if you have no–self, you have no boundaries and people will unwittingly suck the life out of your batteries. Develop your own style as a sexy mom-add a new archetype to the collective unconscious. Change can happen with one person. If you need more healing on this issue, come join us at the next healing tele-party.

Eyeball Sex

Eyeball sex©



What is eyeball sex you may wonder? I’d read in various tantric books about brain orgasms and I could never figure out how to get to that state. It sounded fun – who wouldn’t like having orgasmic waves of pleasure running through your head-but it seemed like a mysterious state only well-trained yogis could get to after years of training. So, I let the books gather dust on my shelf. After a year or two, I decided to take the plunge and take an in-person tantra class. I discovered it’s really not that difficult for a ‘regular’ person to have an ecstatic experience. The class was about six hours and for those modest types, it was done fully clothed. I don’t think you necessarily need to spend that much time to get into the ecstatic state but it helps to spend time building up to it. This is what I did in a nutshell: We worked through the seven ‘basic’ chakras (I say basic because some philosophies say there are more than seven. That’s a complicated discussion and my point here is to keep it simple.) First, we did some dyad work, working in pairs. Dyad work involves talking through what your ideas are on questions such as ‘what is love?’, ‘what was your most memorable sexual experience?’. This process cleared some space for us to leave ‘the head’ and get in touch with the body. We’re trained in our culture to endlessly talk through and analyze everything, so people need a bit of time to fulfill the chattering habit before we focus on the body. We brought our attention to the first chakra at the perineum and did P.C. muscle contractions to start the kundalini moving up the spine. Then, we focused our awareness on our most memorable sexual experience, did some flirting, and noticed the energy moving up into the second chakra. The process simply involves ‘feeling’ the sexual energy move up the body. To move the energy more fully through the body and get it pumping, we did some simple yoga postures, specifically ‘cat-cow’, which involves flexing the spine up and down. Flexing the pelvis back and forth while standing also gets the energy flowing. As the energy moved past the second and third chakra, we said loving affirmations to one another to notice the heart chakra (fourth) opening and the energy flowing into the heart. Then, some tribal drumming music helped to get in a trance state as we chanted ‘ahhh’ to open up the throat (fifth) chakra. We finished with eye gazing where we focused our gaze softly on a partner, I was told that gazing at my partner with my focus on the left eye and to imagine the energy flowing out past the third eye (sixth chakra) and out the top of the head (seventh chakra). We gazed and continued with the tribal drumming music and the soft ‘ahhhs’. At that moment, I felt a surge of tingly sexual energy shoot through my head, I felt my consciousness bounce out of the top of my head, I felt my body swoon, my partner caught me so that I didn’t fall over and then my awareness came back into my body. It was really fun and worth the time to reach that state. I recommend you try it at least once in your life. It should be in the top 10 of the ‘1000 things to do before you die’ list.

Are cavemen sexy?

Are cavemen sexy?



I took an informal poll of several friends recently on what they like about men but don’t dare say out loud. One of the key themes was the fact that women like a bit of ‘caveman’ during sex. Well, honestly, a lot of caveman. Several women actually said, ‘I want a caveman to grab me by the hair, drag me back to the cave and fuck me at the soul level.’ Really? Yes. Our culture has sanitized relations between men and women, equality becoming equated with ‘sameness’, bland sameness. We as a collective still have a difficult time seeing the beauty in diversity, having an adolescent need to say this is ‘better-than’ or this is ‘worse-than’. So, with that tendency, a safety value is created where we just make everyone neutered, which avoids any messy diversity and falling into the better-than worse-than game. But it’s sooo boring. The polarity between masculine and feminine energy is not allowed, so we only have a narrow range of energy to flow in. What happens when you don’t allow any polarity? The battery loses its power, its charge. It goes flat. This is an energy space of boredom, low libido, and a step-ford wife type of existence where everything is sanitized.


What makes sex exciting is its primal nature. It is not clean, not ‘nice’ even. And, I don’t mean that in a mental way that sex is dirty/bad, but that it activates a part of us that was before ‘civilization’, before ‘rules’ and ‘roles’, before everything had to be so neatly organized like a Wal-mart shelf. Our outer world reflects our inner world. With cookie-cutter housing developments and all the stores at the mall becoming the same, whether you’re in Peoria or Paris, sameness is boring. Be yourself. Be unique. Let masculine be different than feminine, and let it be ok. Yes, it scares us, if we are not ‘the same’, will disrespect set in? Is one energy better than the other? We have both polarities in us. We choose to express one. Play with it. Let it be a game. The Divine expresses all choices, all polarities. It is Wholeness. Everything else is illusion. Enjoy the game of masculine-feminine while you are embodied.